The Family Attachment Center

Testimonials to the Family Attachment Center

 

Rafael  

Before our work with FACe began, Rafael was exhibiting outbursts of anger which would be triggered in a flash and unleashed in a fury. The deployment of his father to Iraq preceeded the behavior and it continues to manifest during his prolonged absence. I was becoming exhausted emotionally with trying to find a way to manage this crisis.

Throughout our sessions with FACe ,we have learned new ways to connect...reconnect, as well as methods to use when his emotional volcano erupts. It is a continual work in progress, but I am feeling we are moving in the right direction.

A milestone Rafael has achieved so far during our time with FACe is that he now can usually circumvent any emotional outbursts and physical manifestations by communicating his need to be close to me...to need a hug with words versus threatening actions. This is HUGE! Rather than hugging and being close to each other after thirty minutes or more of trying to work through the angry outbursts, it often now precedes and thus prevents such a scene.

These changes have impacted our family life tremendously. It was very upsetting to me as well as Rafael's sisters to watch and hear him when he would become angry. It was exhausting as well, for all of us. As a parent I would feel hurt by his actions and also devastated that I could not help him. Currently with our promising progress, I feel better and the entire family is reaping the benefits too. It is helpful having a plan of action that is assisting him in choosing better means of acknowledging a need to connect with me. Ultimately, I feel society will benefit from his journey and skills gained since he has the potential to become an adult who can manage his anger, use words to express his feelings, and seek comfort and support from another human.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
Name withheld  

My life has always been filled with chaos and neglect and violence and I never learned how to be a productive person much less a loving parent. But God knew this and He. has always guided and helped me through my life. As a child, God helped me survive and as a parent he helped me parent a different way. Instead of doing things the way my parents did, I went the other way. I realized that I needed some help.

One day while at church, I noticed a flyer for a parenting workshop so I took the flyer home and called the number and found the Family Attachment Center . My fiance, who is now my husband, began parenting workshops once a month for a very resonhable charge. I learned so much and set-up an appointment for family therapy once a week. God directed us to the Family Attachment Center and I am glad that He did.

John Trentalange from the Family Attachment Center helped us learn new parenting skills and they work. He also learned of our dysfunctional childhoods and began to help us see that from all the dysfunction, we would repeat this cycle with our eight -year old son or any future children if we did not change the established patterns. It has been a year and a half and we are still working on it but, we have come a long way.

My ex-husband was abusive, mainly verbally and some physically, and Charlie was being disrespectful to his mother. Why not? His father had been. He had violent temper tantrums and had kicked a hole in his bedroom door. And divorce brought up lots of other issues to explore. John Trentalange helped my son Charlie to acknowledge his feelings not stuff them and express them appropriately instead of exploding (which is what he learned previously.) He helpd my husband and I learn how to parent calmly and effectively. We are still learning and it is not perfect but we have come a long way. The cycle of violence is being actively and purposefully and permanently broken. Our son Charlie gets better parenting than we received and he is learning that you cannot change your feelings but that you must get them out to grow and that they must be expressed appropriately and safely. John has helped Charlie respect his three parents and cope with two different households. Divorce is horrible for the children and yet now I have the opportunity to show Charlie a healthy marriage model and to help him learn to respect me. I have to, in order to break the cycle of abuse. Without the Family Attachment Center it would be like the blind leading the blind, so to speak.

It is not easy to change established patterns even when they are very dangerous ones because that's all we know and it is part of us since we were little. We must get rewired and not only does this take time but it physically hurts. Our brain gets rewired only with the help of a licensed and qualified professional attachment therapist and there are so few of them. This is why I am so thankful that God led me to one. I am thankful that God led me to John Trentalange and the Family Attachment CEnter. I had to revisit my past in order to change my future and my son's. And as I am getting to be a healthier parent all the time, I know that I respect myself enough and my husband respects himself enough to get help and grow. We deserve a great life and a great future and so does our son. God wants us to grow better every day. Thank God for the Family Attachment Center and may God help the center be able to help lots more struggling families. My son will be a testimony to the Family Attachment Center when he grows up and is not a batterer or an abusive parent. He will become a productive man, loving and supportive husband, and a skilled and kind parent. I will beam with pride! The Family Attachment Center can impact the community greatly by helping to stop the cycle of violence as I have stated above.

 

 

 
 
Noemi  

Noemi historically has been a sensitive child and had great difficulty and emotional pain in separating from me when in new environments and with new people. She was unable to enjoy new experiences or new people because she was anxious and uncomfortable. When beginning school for the first time here in Colorado Springs, she would begin getting upset the night before school. This would involve her becoming tense, emotionally upset, and persistently talking about how she didn't like school and didn't want to go there. The scenario would escalate the next morning and while en route to the school. When I would go inside to sign her in and say our farewell, she would be sobbing, hyperventilating, clinging to me with her body wrapped around mine. When she was outdoors during recess she would sit or stand next to one of the teachers, eventually working up to be able to go to the swing set and swing solo. She would be doing one or the other of those activities when I would leave and would be doing the same when I came to pick her up.

During our time in working with FACe we became better educated on Noemi's sensitive trait, as well as activities to help her move toward the ability of functioning well at school and ultimately to enjoy it. Some significant milestones that she has accomplished are the absence of anxiety occurring the night before or morning of a school day, being able to say goodbye at the school entrance and proceed alone, joining classmates in interactive play and schoolwork, making friends, helping other classmates, raising her hand to offer answers, and overall excited about school and the work she is accomplishing there.

We feel Noemi's progress has impacted her life in a tremendously positive way. She is relaxed, happy and eager to learn. Her success with the challenges at school has spread to general social activities; we now witness her engaging in things such as swim lessons and scouts with a new air of freedom and confidence. It is doubtful Noemi would've reached her potential without having worked so hard over the past year to better manage her apprehension of new people and places. The guidance and support we've received from
FACe has been helpful in allowing our family to grow from these experiences. We feel society will be better for the changes in Noemi as she is a creative, empathetic and generous child who is learning how to connect with others and share those gifts.
Name Withheld  

My son at two years old was diagnosed with ADHD. His pediatrician prescribed medication to assist with his "busyness". After about 3 months we saw no change in his behavior and we decided to take him off the medication. Our son displayed anger through aggressive and violent behavior. He mistreated our family pets by pulling their tails and standing on them. He also punched and kicked holes in the walls in his bedroom. Our son refused to make eye contact and called himself a "bad boy". He scared the children at his school by chasing them and growling at them. He would throw sand and hit the other children. Even some of the parents were concerned about our son. We had taken him to therapists who did play therapy with him, but the progress was VERY slow. We could not stand by while our only son continued to destroy our home, terrorize our pets, but also isolate himself from our family and friends through his vicious, destructive behavior. Without the Family Attachment Center, I believe that our son would have ended up in jail for a violent crime, even murder.

We learned about the Family Attachment Center through our son's school. They recommended that we take him in for an evaluation. This was the best thing that could have happened to the entire family. When we began therapy at the Family Attachment Center, our son was diagnsoed with Reaction Attachment Disorder. He would not make eye contact and would not allow either parent to hold him even to comfort him. He was violent, couldn't follow instructions, couldn't focus and certainly could not be trusted.

The challenges that we went through for two years at times seenmed unbearable. We didn't know from one moment to the next what response we would get from our son. Because of the Family Attachment Center and our commitment to our son, we were able to work through the challenges one day at a time. I believe that the Family Attachment Center saved our famiy. As for our son, the children have already forgotten the boy of last year. They invite him to be on their team, they ask him to play with them. This is something that NEVER happened last school year.

Through working with the Family Attachment Center, we learned as a family how to interact, diffuse the power struggles and most importantly, address the attachment issues our son had and the behaviors he used to drive a wedge between him and the family. Our son no longer suffers from Reaction Attachment Disorder. He is a warm and loving four year old.

 
Shannon Dunnan  

About eighteen months ago I was introduced to the Family Attachment Center. It has been a major contributor to the process of my personal healing and growth. The education and healing I have received has enabled me to continue striving for my goals of being a better parent and increasing my pro-social skills for the sake of the community I live in.

I was addicted to drugs and chemically dependant for seventeen years. Being ignorant of my internal issues combined with chemical dependency, I was successful at destroying my family which consisted of a wife and two children, my relationships with my parents as well as being a danger to the community I live in. I have been in and out of jail more times than I wish to count and my children were removed and went to live with their aunt and uncle. I enrolled myself into a faith-based rehabilitation center on February 10th, 2004.

Two months into my rehabilitation is when my relationship with the Family Attachment Center started. Since then I have taken twenty-six hours of very empowering parent education classes. In these classes I gained valuable insight how to be a better parent in the lives of my children and how to continue healing in my own life as well. I have spent numerous hours at the Family Attachement Center learning about attachment and how it has played a major role in the history of my life as well as the positive affect it will play in my future. The center has helped me to understand my root issues, embrace them, take ownership of them, and continues to help me walk through and grow in these difficult areas of my life.

The education I've received about attachment and parenting has been life transformational. It has truly opened my eyes to the importance of healthy attachment with my children and the community around me. The stronger the attachment, the healthier the child, and the relationships we have in the community.

Since my relationship with the Family Attachment Center started, I have successfully completed a year in drug rehabilitation. I have been sober now for twenty-two months, which is the longest period of sobriety I've had since I was thirteen years old. I was awarded custody of my children in August of 2005. We are working diligently as a family to heal the attachment that was severed with the help of my continuing education at FACe. The change in the behavior of my children has been phenomenal. My daughter's grades have risen from D's to A's and our relationship seems to be growing healthier everyday. The attachment between my son and myself has been blessed by a tremendous amount of healing in a short period of time. His trust in me is on the continual rise as well as my ability to see what a privilege his trust is to have. He is in first grade and has scored a hundred percent on every spelling test he has taken this year. We all continually look forward to our time we get to spend with each other. It is full of excitement and joy. I've also recently started pursuing a Bachelor's Degree in Christian counseling at the Nazarene Bible College and am doing well.

I'm convinced that I probably wouldn't have made it as far as I have today without the Family Attachment Center. It has been a major influence in my life and in the life of my children, to empower us to take responsibility for ourselves, and how we relate to the community. I'm excited about the future and am eager to see what a healthy life is really about.

I would like to sincerely say thank you to the Family Attachment Center.

Thank you,

Shannon Dunnan