This is the story about David. He enjoyed getting into things and being destructive. He would dump out cleaning supplies, medicines, detergents,whatever was not literally under lock and key. He could not be trusted alone, ever, for fear he would make a mess and possibly even ingesting something harmful. He would destroy his toys and possessions, furniture, whatever he could get his hands on - very little meant anything to him, his own or others. At one point, we put a lock on his door so he couldn't get out, just to control the damage. We never had a moment's peace. He would have bowel movements in odd places, like the closet or in the laundry room, or put them into places they didn't belong, like toy boxes or containers. One time he even painted the walls in his room with feces. He would also urinate in bottles, toy containers, and odd places. Once, when his sister went to spend summer with her dad, he set fire to the carpet in his bedroom. As he got older, he was very angry, hostile, mouthy, desrespectful, argumentative, disobedient, disagreeable, fighting with everyone about everything and still destructive. He destroyed two bedroom sets and two living room sets. He failed even the easiest subjects in school, always disrupting classes with his acting out. At one point the school wanted him tested to see if he was retarded or a "special ed" case. He would steal anything and everything, money, food, toys, clothes...we tried putting a house lock on our bedroom door to keep things safe, that didn't work either, one inattentive moment and he stole the keys to the room. He lied constantly and nothing he said could ever be believed. NEVER was a conversation good with him.

During counseling, with approved forms of discipline to correct 'negative/wrong' behavior, David gradually made the effort to earn back trust (mainly to quit lying and stealing. There were still 'some' issues but on a much reduced scale). He worked to improve 'some' of his classes' grades; still, improvement was needed in many areas. He learned to control his temper better, it yoyo-ed back and forth at times, as did the disrespect, dieobedience and mouthiness. He learned to talk, to share his feelings and listen to others' feelings.

David's counseling experience with Dr. John, as we call him, is, for the most part over, but his ideals and lessons live on through David's new lease on life. A freshman in high school this year, David is for the first time interested in and participating in a "team" sport - cross country. He is also in JR ROTC, looks real sharp in that uniform! Now if things aren't done, it's because a lot is going on or an accidental "slip" from memory not intentional or with the intent to deceive or cover up the truth. We've tested him by leaving money out (accidentally and on purpose) to "see" what would happen to it, and it "stayed" where it was or he brought it to us. "Found this on the table, Mom, or in the kitchen, did you leave it there?" He comes home on time. He negotiates to make arrangements if other things interfere with his chores, that way he can do both, an unheard-of practice in the past. He has recently put in for a job for'after school' knowing school (grades) and track obligations come first. Talking with him has become a pleasure. For the first time in his life he has told me he has goals for his future.

The impact? Finally, the blessing, pride and joy a parent"should" feel toward their child, rather than one of dread. A bright, ambitious young man who has become a hard worker, understanding the need to gain back the trust he lost and willing to go that extra mile to prove the trust given now is NOT in vain. Humorous, fun loving, whether working together or just talking I am amazed at the change...welcome to humanity. Humanity, I give you David!

Stacy was molested; someone we believed to be a friend of the family molested her. The first initial signs were the reoccurring bladder infections, then the bed-wetting, regular now, not because of being over tired or sick. Over time, little things became more apparent; her pride in the way she dressed changed, she was less affectionate and less talkative. Her constant singing seemed to have tapered way off. Thinking back, she didn't seem as 'happy' as she used to be. She started to 'act out' inappropriate sexual behavior with other children. I noticed a major decline in her personal hygiene and care for her hair, in addition to her lack of attention to dressing "prettily," a habit she'd always maintained before, were major factors. Negativity began to creep in and presented it through not only the change in how she dressed but also how she felt about herself and others. Her self-esteem was affected - ,she didn't stick up for herself or think twice about being treated poorly by another child. What ambition she had, seemed to have disappeared. She became whiny, difficult to please and, while on the one hand seemingly obsessed with being overweight, her eating becane almost obsessive. Her schoolwork and grades were compromised.

During counseling, Stacy learned most importantly that she was NOT to blame for the incident and the false guilt she felt was something she needed to cast off. She learned she had not lost her talents, worth or rights to be treated appropriately. She learned how to act in ways to defend and protect herself for any and all, who would 'abuse' her and most importantly 'not' to accept such treatment, that is NOT ok. (FYI, as her mother, to aide, encourage and strengthen her self worth, I enrolled her in Karate. To date, she has passed her first test and has achieved her orange belt. She has also been accepted in the 'Children's Chorale', two positive esteem boosting milestones for her! With diet, exercise and encouragement she has lost 15 pounds of excess weight from the over-eating.

Stacy, coming out of counseling, has a much better opinion of herself. I'm increasingly aware of her dressing nicely, paying attention to her hygiene and her hair. She wets the bed less frequently, but still does on occasion. She is happier, and more affectionate again. She sings too, but still not like she did yet. Her grades and schoolwork have improved tremendously. She looks for ways to be creative. Since none of us succeeds all the time, she is learning to handle disappointment very well and it isn't dampening her efforts. She discusses inventive ideas on how to make money with me. She expresses her ambition by thinking up ways and things to do to make money and looks forward to becoming old enough to babysit. She talks about her plans for the future, how many children she wantsto have and how she'll correct them and teach them right from wrong.

I still grieve at times for her lost innocense at such a young age. We've had the birds and bees conversation a few years earlier than I would have liked, just so 'things' would be more connected in her mind and she'd see that all things 'sexual' are not bad. I've definitely become more protective, but not in an obsessive manner. We are still working on those things internal that will effect and be reflected by her. I keep a closer eye on her attitudes and moods and discuss them with her. Negative comments escape her lips occasionally, but we look for ways to replace them with positive ideas instead. Encouragement, and praise along with effort and positive direction from family, school and community will replace those negative moments with successful, meaningful achievements she will treasure and hold on to, that will in turn cause her to become a more compassionate friend, neighbor, sister, daughter...a more generous, loving, stronger, supportive and giving individual.